"I heard Larry McGuire is taking over ESK @ Hole In The Wall due to the fallout from the so-called 'Sapporo Incident'. Immediate changes will include super-cute waitress uniforms (think Japanese maid cafes), immediate price increases of 33% across the board and the inclusion of specialties such as the squid ink ramen now with lobster for $22 and the option to add caviar to the Sapporo bacon ramen. Also, there wil be an extensive redesign evocative of what he is doing with Jeffrey's. McGuire describes it as 'your gay uncle's apartment, but Japanese...ish.'"

"I heard that Larry McGuire is taking over all of Rainey Street. Expect hipster barmen, choice artisanal cocktails, drink garnishes from their own gardens and all the valets will be wearing matching super cute unis and exclusively TOMS shoes, because Larry and and the TOMS dude are super BFF and he gets wholesale pricing."

LMFC had this to say about Abel's, which recently appeared on the Food Network's Chef Wanted with Anne Burrell: "I heard that she selects Larry McGuire. The new Abel's On The Lake will be a locally-sourced 'lake scene'-themed restaurant. The menu will feature items like buffalo wings from free-range raised-right chickens from Peeler Farms (exclusive chicken raiser of Fresa's) with homemade wing sauce made from organic chiles grown in East Austin, a $22 burger of hand-ground Akaushi beef from McGuire's own West Texas ranch and super-garlic-cheesy-queso fries with black truffle shavings for $35. Servers will be dressed in 'lake-chic' outfits- think girls in skimpy slut bikinis and jacked juice head bros in board shirts with no shirts and lots of tribal tattoos. You can pull your boat up to the restaurant, but the best space is reserved for McGuire's restored original 1964 Chris Craft."

"I heard that Larry McGuire is behind the new Sagra. Expect Roman specialties like cacio e pepe with Italian cheeses made from Jersey cows that only eat according to a Paleo diet on McGuire's private ranch. Pasta courses start at $35 and servers will be dressed in hipster-chic Roman gladiator outfits made by the MMH in-house seamstress."

On Komé's newest project: "I heard Larry McGuire is behind the downtown ramen joint, to be called McKome Downtown Noodles. The Berkshire pork for the tonkatsu ramen will be raised in the garden at ESC and the waitresses will be dressed in hipster-geisha plaid kimonos. Basic tonkatsu ramen will run $26."

"I hear that after this pre-opening fiasco, Larry McGuire will taking over. All of the meat will now be Creekstone and all bambo shoots will be grown in a USDA -certified garden in back of Larry's new house. Expect ramen prices to start at $18 for a basic bowl of shoyu ramen and the servers will be dressed kimonos and going for a Harajuku/East Austin hipster/goth/schoolgirl look. Larry will be a line cook there."

"I heard Larry McGuire will be taking over the "Casino El Camino" franchise and making a few changes. First off, both locations to get a major remodel by Michael Hsu. The new style will be retro-cool, early 90s Seattle grunge, but with a contemporary twist... all communal seating. Each table will be made out of a restored front door from an authentic Seattle 1990s Seattle neighborhood. The waiters will wear flannel shirts and designer jeans, the burgers will be made from meat ground daily from cows on Larry's cousin's farm that are fed a strict diet of native grasses and foie gras. Burger prices will now start at $18, but they'll come with a small side of locally cured meats (also from Larry's cousin's farm) and quail fat fried potatoes."

"I heard Larry McGuire was taking over The Brixton and turning it into a prohibition-era cocktail bar with a focus on long drinks and fizzes. Bartenders will be will be dressed in skinny jeans and other East Side-acceptable hispter wear with standard handlebar moustaches. All drinks will start at $16 and interior design will be old time Edison bulb-esque meet your favorite gay uncle's apartment."

"I heard Larry McGuire is taking it over and deveoping an artisanal michelada menu and the servers will be dressed in charro suits."

"I heard Larry McGuire is taking over Trace. He will immediately revamp the room service program so that cocktails will arrive with their own mixologist to make in-room and will be priced starting at $24. The restaurant itself will become the second location of Fresa's, featuring the enormously popular $26 greasy, over-brined chicken wrapped in butcher paper. So popular that there is never anyone at Fresa's and they have spent so much damn money on Facebook advertising that the internet will NOT stop telling me how much my friends like it. Just like the original Fresa's, the new Fresa's at the W will have servers (nee... whatever you call them) wearing an incredible array of different color and different designed shirts, aprons and sweatshirts with super-freaking-cute original phrases like 'Que Rico'. Mike Sutter will camp out to be the first customer."

LMFC had this to say about the closure of Mizu: "I heard that Larry McGuire has already picked up the lease. The new Mizu will be serving a new concept called ocean-to-table sushi and the servers will be dressed like samurai (the girls in super-freaking-cute floral patterned ones) with the sushi chefs in Mr. Miyagi costumes. The new omakase will start at $225 and they will have freshly grated wasabi, not the fake stuff. There will also be real KOBE beef (the only place in the US to have it) that will be grilled table side and start at $45/oz."

"I heard Larry McGuire is taking over Freedman's (name is suspiciously close to and looks suspiciously like the NYC Freeman's) and removing that hideous purple light at the liquor display so it is more authentically Brooklyn and hiring only managers capable of dressing lumberjack-chic with handlebar moustaches, locally-sourcing all bbq meat, pushing the artisanal cocktail prices to $16 a pop and bringing the caviar service from Clarke's because West Campus needs caviar service even more than Clarksville."

"I heard Larry McGuire is taking over Dai Due at all farmers' markets and forcing the cashiers to dress in head-to-toe 'lumberjack chic' sourced exclusively from Stag. Biscuits and gravy (renamed 'biscuits and yummy gravy') are now $14.99. McGuire himself will be standing behind the table pretending to be the hunter/butcher/chef."

"I heard Larry McGuire is taking over Suzi's and developing an upscale Cantonese menu based on London's Hakkasan. All of the servers will be wearing Mao Suits and the design concept is Cultural Revolution chic."

"I heard Larry McGuire is reopening Jeffrey's & Josephine House. The menu will be locally-sourced (while the idea of locally-sourced in Texas seems oxymoronic given the harsh seasons and very little is actually available all year as opposed to Northern California, this will magically happen) from McGuire's new ranch in the Hill Country from which he has installed a custom biodome capable of replicating the Marin climate 12 months a year. Among other unique offerings, expect luke warm food from a marble counter, an artisanal souffle menu in collaboration with a local chocolatier, bon bons and more, generally described as 'grandmotherly'. All this in a space he describes as your 'rich gay uncle's apartment' and featuring staff dressed in Love Boat meets the Commander's Palace outfits and even including valets our front dressed as vickers. Oh, Christ. You know McGuire makes it too easy when the only part made up is the biodome."